Had this post sent in by Shelly on one of the Stargate lists that I'm on.
It's more than slightly hilarious and I couldn't resist asking permission to post it on my lj, which Shelly very kindly duly gave me. My jaw is still aching from hanging so close to the lino ...
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'YOUR JOB IS SAFE AS LONG AS THESE PEOPLE ARE OUT THERE, and you know
they are.
ONE. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the
menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12
Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I can't
order a half dozen nuggets, but I can
order six?" "That's right." So I shook my head and
ordered six McNuggets.
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TWO. I was checking out at the local Walmart with
just a few items and the lady behind me put her things
on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my items, she
picked up the "divider," looking it all over for the
bar code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar
code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy! that today." She said "OK," and I
paid her for the things and left . She had no clue to
what had just happened.
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THREE. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card
into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she
was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for
a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thingy."
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FOUR. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping
beside her car "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to
this remote door unlocked. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me. As I
took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
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FIVE. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was
none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
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SIX. My neighbor works in the operations department
in the central office ! of a large bank. Employees in
the field call him when they have problems with their
computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one
of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys
have a fire downtown?"
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SEVEN. Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect
by placing a metal colander on his head and connecting
it with ! wires to a photocopy machine. The message
"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police
pressed the copy button each time they thought the
suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the"lie
detector" was working, the suspect confessed.
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The only one which didn't completely floor me was the last one because I
have seen the odd episode of 'America's Dumbest Criminals', so wasn't completely taken by surprise ...